How to get completely plastered while watching an NLL game:

• When a player is referred to as a “weekend warrior” or his off-the-floor job is mentioned, DRINK. If he’s a firefighter or teacher, DRINK again
• When the goaltender calls the trainer out to look at his equipment and the trainer simply applies more tape to his shoes, DRINK
• When you miss a goal or great play because the online feed is showing the kiss cam or dance cam or some other shot of the audience, DRINK
• When John Tavares is referred to as “ageless”, DRINK
• When a player commits a blatantly obvious penalty and then stands looking at the ref with his arms outstretched in the classic “what did I do?” pose, DRINK
• When a player’s name is mispronounced, DRINK
• When the announcers try to explain a rule and get it wrong (or play is stopped or a penalty is given and they have no idea why), DRINK
• When nobody is near the benches during play but the bench door is open, DRINK
• When a goal is scored that the goalie wants back, DRINK
• If a player and his brother are both playing in the game, DRINK
• If a player is from Orangeville or Peterborough, DRINK
• When a player or coach being interviewed talks about “sticking to our game plan” or “playing our game”, DRINK

How to stay completely sober while watching an NLL game:

• When Major League Lacrosse (MLL) is mentioned by name, DRINK
• If a head coach smiles during the game, DRINK. If he laughs, DRINK again. If it’s Troy Cordingley, CHUG the bottle